On waking up from a few days of attacks of rotten illness and a good old bout of self-doubt, questioning and feeling terribly sorry for myself (I think incessant sneezing does that to some people), I feel strong again, praise God. I dreamed I was a badly behaved minister, and, despite being used to marry a couple, I was stealing bread.
On greeting our loving heavenly Father, I am presented with a scripture from Galatians 1:8 and repeated in verse 9; But though we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel to you, other than that we have preached, let him be (ac)cursed.
With writing, editing and having on-line ministry, I spend a much higher percentage of time on-line than your average person, and, also, being a highly emotional creative, I see, feel, experience and am aware of so much more than Jo Average and that's just my natural character, before any faith is mentioned. Many times it's been spoken over me 'oh you think too much girl'. Do I? Begs to question that on rare occasions I have come across similar 'creative types' as myself, that they so naturally edify, encourage wholeheartedly and assure me that it's the 95 percentile that actually don't 'get it'. However, on saying that, I vehemently deny, that I neither 'get it', but, do feel that the creator does see fit to show me things that even many leader's won't hear, or will chose not to.
I have, in my later walk, been exceptionally blessed with the Shepherd's that cover me, in as much that they have ears to hear and I am so grateful to be able to express and be judged accordingly and guided in love, if I have things off point, which I fully admit that I often do. Often; although I have tried to express myself, yet not having been raised in the word, I have been called both prideful, outspoken and told that I don't understand. One occasion in particular springs to mind. I clearly understood the vision that the Father had shown to me in His great mercy. What I hadn't learned yet at that point were times and seasons and when not to speak unless led by the Holy Spirit. I told my (then) Pastors wife, there will be an earthquake in China and she went berserk feeding me proverbs 18:21 and commanding me to speak life telling me I hadn't been born again long enough and to pull down vain imaginations. The same woman that had restrained me by the wrists and shook me angrily and had me in tears as she laid down the law down telling me that I could not marry the man I felt destined to be with at that time, quoting, that the Bible says conform to all authority over you, and that means me and Pastor, she said, and I am saying no; her erroneous behaviour, full blown antithesis of what she spoke to be. If you go with him, we will not either marry you, or bless this, she said. That was the day I left that church for good. The timing was pretty freaky as it was only within a month that earthquakes came forth in China.
On the subject of not being a born again long enough, and, having been raised as a Catholic - another subject matter entirely, I claim no religious title and don't ever want that, as I work out my salvation daily in growth and lessons learned. I believe religion to be exceptionally dangerous from experience. I believe that it is man made and designed to control the masses. I also believe that even many well meaning church's have far too many rules and regulations in place that are no where near in line with the word. I am neither born a Jew or speak anything other than being a born again believer as to John 3:3. The word Christian it's self was invented by human's.
After Yeshua's resurrection and ascension, the Apostles built the church, and great number's were added daily, but they did not use the title of Christian, neither did they study theology, have man made letter's after their names to confirm or prove their position in faith or go to Bible colleges. I see flaws in many area's of both the church and the flock, including myself, of which there are too many to mention specifically, but, this particular blog is brought for one that is being used to help my own personal growth through the pains and trials of life, which, believe me are very real.
A very deep and beautiful song was shared with me, which has touched me in a major way. The lyrics said 'my lover's got humour, she's the giggle at a funeral, know's everybody's disapproval, if the heaven's ever did speak, she's the last true mouthpiece'. Oh myyyyyyyyyyy goodness, never were truer words were spoken about me, and yet, yeah, I love me, for all that I am, for all of my faults. I was blessed to be encouraged by the words of someone who said to me 'we're all flawed, no-one leaves this earth pure, not even babies. Think about that the next time someone point's a finger in your face and say's differently. Wow!! Now THAT'S my vibe - real talk, which now, brings me to the subject of the quoted scripture above.
I have been in such oppression many times over 'the word' over the years. It's taken me a very very long time to understand two realities. Number one, that much has been lost and altered in translation from the Hebrew, through the Greek and finally, Western man's interpretation, not to mention the books that were removed - well errrm, if it's Gods word, then how does that line up with the aforementioned scripture - food for thought indeed, and number 2, that the oh so holy types of people who throw the word as a response on other's to either criticize or avoid discussion, are no better than me actually.
I love God and believe completely, I receive Jesus Christ as He is known in the West, because I know Him and have had three personal encounter's with Him, but I speak true - as to the song, the last true mouthpiece, a modern female Jeremiah type. The Bible has been manipulated and altered by human beings and that's a fact. My God tells me study to show yourself approved - do you know what I found out when I studied hell? That there is no such word. The words in original Torah are Hades and Shoel and their meaning is grave. Would this bring one to believe that once this body dies, the born again transcend to heaven and the other's just die and lie in a grave? That hell is this earth here and now? I don't know but I will not stop searching. That the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom is not the word of God. How can I fear unconditional love? The original scriptures say work out your salvation in awe and amazement, not fear and trembling, bringing the meaning of the other one to be, to be in awe of the Lord is the beginning of all wisdom. I need grace in abundance as I get very frustrated at the phrases the masses use, such as, I need a God fearing man. No, I will not do fear. If that's so, then how do the fifty plus scriptures of 'do not fear' line up. It is no wonder I found the scriptures so confusing and hypocritical for so long. Mankind has poked and messed around with them to suit themselves. I thank God for prayers as this time with Him is what leads me to search and discover.
I will bless the Lord at all times and I stand firm as to Hebrews 4:12 which I believe to be correctly translated but I refuse to be so obsessed with modern day teaching's that I either lose myself or become, unfortunately, like some, devil obsessed. I am absolutely tired of hearing humans use the term, it's an attack of the devil on real life, day to day things that go wrong. I am fully aware that the spiritual realm is very real, but hey, a lot are seeming to forget that so is the earth that we live on and the choices we make. In no way do I underestimate fiery darts or disrespect my creator, in Father, Son and Holy Spirit, but, the devil does not make someone miss a bus or their shirt tear...things happen. I heard a woman speak that the devil broke her central heating system. No, the central heating system either needed a service or a part broke down because things wear out. It's insane to be so heavenly minded that we are no good for God to use down here on earth. We are human beings and are not there yet. One woman I know locks herself in her house and will only listen to Kenneth Copeland. That poor dear quotes 'and Kenneth said' from morning until night 24/7 and it's unhealthy! Another couple refuse to allow anyone into their home unless they are born again. Faith and the blessing of grace are there so that when we do mess up as mere human's, and we will, we have forgiveness and are redeemed by the blood of the lamb.
Pepper - out!
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